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भीष्म उवाच । सा निष्क्रमन्ती नगराच्चिन्तयामास भारत । पृथिव्यां नास्ति युवतिर्विषमस्थतरा मया । बान्धवैर्विप्रहीनास्मि शाल्वेन च निराकृता॥५-१७३-१॥
Bhīṣma said: As she was leaving the city, she reflected, O Bhārata: “On earth there is no young woman in a more adverse condition than I. I am separated from my kin, and I have also been repudiated by Śālva.”
english translation
न च शक्यं पुनर्गन्तुं मया वारणसाह्वयम् । अनुज्ञातास्मि भीष्मेण शाल्वमुद्दिश्य कारणम्॥५-१७३-२॥
Nor is it possible for me to return again to Vāraṇasāhvaya (Kāśī). I was released by Bhīṣma for the stated reason of going to Śālva.
english translation
किं नु गर्हाम्यथात्मानमथ भीष्मं दुरासदम् । आहोस्वित्पितरं मूढं यो मेऽकार्षीत्स्वयंवरम्॥५-१७३-३॥
Whom should I censure—myself, or Bhīṣma who is difficult to oppose, or rather my misguided father who arranged my svayaṃvara?
english translation
ममायं स्वकृतो दोषो याहं भीष्मरथात्तदा । प्रवृत्ते वैशसे युद्धे शाल्वार्थं नापतं पुरा । तस्येयं फलनिर्वृत्तिर्यदापन्नास्मि मूढवत्॥५-१७३-४॥
This is a fault of my own making: when that violent engagement began, I did not earlier leap down from Bhīṣma’s chariot for Śālva’s sake. This is the resultant consequence of that—now I have fallen into calamity, as if deluded.
english translation
धिग्भीष्मं धिक्च मे मन्दं पितरं मूढचेतसम् । येनाहं वीर्यशुल्केन पण्यस्त्रीवत्प्रवेरिता॥५-१७३-५॥
“Shame on Bhīṣma; and shame on my dull, misguided father—by whom I was put forward as though a commodified woman, with ‘valor’ set as the price.”
english translation